| Heat released from hands
Heat released from hands Swelling induced as muscles contract. Reacting to trauma unleashed onto the body. Ache increases. Turns into a slow throb. Then waves, like standing in the ocean for too long And getting knocked down. Can't swim. Suffocating. Trying to stand up. Current too strong. Pulls you down. Reels you in. Can't breathe. Can't see. Can't hear. Paralyzed with fear. Eyes flutter. Mouth opens, takes in air... feels like water. Wake up. wake up breathe breathe. It's hard to want to wake up. Even from a bad dream. Slow throb returns. Shoots up my knee. Up my thigh. Up into my hip. Stabs at me like little knives twisting and turning. twisting and turning twisting turning burning Pulling on my strings and hanging me with them. Makes it hard to move. Hard to want to breathe. to sit to stand to lay down so levitate me hang me with my nerves until there is no life left in me What good am I to anyone? What good can a broken body do? It continues up my hip. Into my lower back. Up my spine. A chill strumming at the web of nerves in my system. A stabbing making its way to my upper back. Through my chest. to my heart... to my heart Hard to want to move. Hard to want to live like this. Hard to want to live like this. How can I live like this? Heat released from face. Fever rising. Like waves of desert. Stand up against the light. Shadow cast like hands against throat. Like passion. Like bleeding. Like flying. Harder to go on, than I may let on. She's afraid for me. afraid for me afraid for me Death can not touch what isn't his. I am my own. God does not exist. Figments of little white men floating. Night sky absorbing big empty flusters of puffy snow hair. Evaporate me into the clouds. Set my soul on fire and let the smoke rise and suffocate the heavens So that they may be blind and fall to earth and feel human turmoil and pain. feel what i feel see what i see why make me suffer and not feel it ? not taste it not smell it WHY NOT?! so high and mighty from the top, the bottom is so far my pain my sins my screams can't reach the pedestal I want to knock it down. Take it piece by piece and throw it into the BIGGEST ocean. Heat release from heart makes it colder than it needs to be colder than i can handle and so emotion feeling love hate fear is all erased and now i am gutted an empty organ, dry and cold hot water soothes the ache, so that this hole feels full but it is not. Pills empty clogged dreams from years ago. bleed me of all thought of future all thought of being happy all thoughts of living passed the years i have now. this time is borrowed time this time is borrowed time it is not mine it is not mine.... |